Dirty Little Secrets
by Lambbaby
Summary: Everyone has a secret. Even the Teen Titans.
1. Those Thoughts I can't Deny

**Dirty Little Secret**

A/N: The All-American Rejects and their video for the song 'Dirty Little Secret' inspired these stories. Don't ask me how, cause I'm not really sure. BTW this is the first time I've ever tried to do a whole little series of one shots. Some will be (I hope) funny and some a little more serious. I hope they aren't too crappy. The first Titan up is my personal favorite: Beast Boy.

Secrets are dangerous things. They have the power to destroy lives, ruin friendships and even the secret-keepers themselves. Each Titan has a secret like that. The dirty little secrets that threatened to tear them apart.

Beast Boy knew he wasn't like the rest of the team. He knew he wasn't at all useful, or helpful. He had no super-strength, like Starfire did. He wasn't a super-sleuth, like Robin was. And Beast Boy was damn sure that he wasn't a super-computer or in the possession of great mystical powers, a la Cyborg or Raven. The only power he had was the ability to become animals, and most times he usually picked ones that had to real use in battle.   
For a while Beast Boy thought he could, at the very least, consider himself the funny man. Ya know the comic relief for when things got too tough or too serious. But over time he'd discovered that the team rarely laughed at his jokes. To be honest more often than not they were laughing at him, not with him. Dude does it suck to be laughed at or what? 

Beast Boy knew that the wise choice would be to leave the team. To just go and let some **deserving**, real super-powered teen take his place. But he just couldn't make himself leave. Something kept him tied to the tower, to the team. He just wasn't sure what.

Actually, he knew what kept him from leaving. The Titans were his family, had been for quite a while now. Leaving the team meant leaving his home, the once place were he felt safe, felt accepted, felt loved.

So even though he knew he was useless, and that staying around did nothing but hold the team back, he refused to go. He just couldn't do it. Instead he kept his feelings of worthlessness to himself, held all the feelings of uselessness inside. He continued his funny guy, always laughing routine, doing everything in his power to make sure that the team never knew his dirty little secret.


	2. Just To waste my time with you

**Just to waste my time with you**

A/N: The All-American Rejects and their video for the song 'Dirty Little Secret' inspired these stories. Don't ask me how, cause I'm not really sure. And for the people who read this fic and have been wondering why I didn't update, I apologize. Life has been a little hectic at my house lately and there was never any time to write the next chapters. But I promise I'll try to have the 3rd chapter up asap.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans. I don't own AAR. I only own my muse, Levi who is called Biff and my multitude of purses.

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I like her. She represents everything I should hate, but yet and still I like her. I…I can't explain why I feel the way I do or why I feel somewhere deep inside that caring for her is the only thing in this world that matters.

I know that my teammates wouldn't understand our relationship, however twisted it may seem. And I know that they wouldn't want to accept her as part of our group, as a part of our family. They would only see the villain, the 'evil' H.I.V.E member. They would only remember how the last time we tried to trust someone, they betrayed us and broke our hearts. They wouldn't see what I see.

Because the girl I see is a far cry from the one visible to the rest of society. She's more than just the cotton-candied eyed, solferino haired sorceress. She's more than just a bad-luck giving, hex making villianess. She's a teenage girl who just happened to make some bad choices. She a young woman who, like so many do, uses her powers in the least productive way. She's made some mistakes, its true. But who among us hasn't?

I know what the rest of my teammates would say. I can picture their reactions as clearly as if they had already taken place. Raven will immediately deem her untrustworthy, and would later ask me, in her own special way of course, why I had kept such a big secret from her. My keeping things hidden from her will silently hurt her, she will wonder if I don't value my friendship with her the way she does with me. Starfire will be the most welcoming, but she too will be wary, slightly on edge. She will accept my companion only to please me, not because she really likes her. Beast Boy will be another compatriot hurt by my secrecy, my slight deception. He is my best friend and I haven't even mentioned liking someone, let alone this person. He may feel the most betrayed, the most left out of the loop. How could I tell him though, knowing that it would only stir up some many still painful memories for him? Last of all the Titans is Robin. Robin, with his ever- mistrusting nature. Robin, who would within the first five seconds, decide that she was up to 'something'. That she had some secret agenda for liking me, that everything was all a lie. Robin, who would make me choose: my team, my family, my home or Jinx. The one person, (in this millennia) to care about me. The one person, outside of the Titans, who doesn't care that I'm a part-super robot. The one person who I feel I can trust with all my secrets, all my hopes, and all my dreams.

So even though I know that every time I see her I risk everything I know, I still go. And even though I know that eventually I'll have to come clean to my team about where I'm always disappearing to, I can't stop seeing her. I'd do anything just to spend my time with her. Just to be with my dirty little secret.

A/N: Somehow I don't think this came out quite how I thought it would. It seems slightly off kilter. Let me know if you feel that this doesn't fit with the general theme because if it's not just me who feels that way I may have to revamp this chapter.


	3. The Way She Feels Inside

**The way she feels inside**

_A/N: This is my Raven chapter and it was really hard to write. In fact I'm not sure if it turned out the way I saw it turning out. I wanted to show another side to Raven's relationship with Trigon. I didn't want to strictly focus on how much she hates him. That goes without saying. However I believe that to hate someone you must first feel some sort of positive emotion for said person. I also wanted this to be seen from the point of view of a young person who has an absentee parent. It hurts to love a parent who only wants to have any contact with you when it suits them and their needs, trust me on that one._

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I know I should hate him. Know that I should feel nothing but contempt for the creature that haunts my nights and makes my days a living hell. And I do hate him. I honestly do hate my father. But a small part of me loves him as well. And I can't help it.

In some twisted way it makes sense that I love him. In my quest for an explanation of my feelings, I've read hundreds of articles on how people who were kidnapped, sometimes end up loving their kidnapper. They can't help it they say, it's like a subconscious compulsion, Stockholm syndrome is what they call it. And unfortunately I think I've developed it. Lucky me.

I know, I know how disturbed I sound when I say that I love my father. Let me explain what I mean before you judge me. When I say I love Trigon, I don't mean it in a psychotic Electra complex way. I mean how crazy would it be to be romantically in love with my own father? But I digress. When I say I love Trigon, I mean it in the way that any daughter loves her father. And loving him seems so crazy when you consider how much Trigon has hurt my friends and me.

Trigon raped my mother. He has killed thousands of innocent people for his personal enjoyment. He has made my existence lonely and empty. He is the reason that I must refrain form expressing myself the way the rest of the world does. Trigon destroyed my home, as well as those I care about. He almost brought about the end of the world, and almost cost my friends their lives. And he used me to do so. I hate him for all this and more.

But I also have much to thank Trigon for. Without his influence I never would've sought out the Titans help. I never would've dedicated my life to doing the right thing, to helping people on a daily basis. Without Trigon, I never would've met my friends, my family. I would still be alone. My life would still be empty.

And maybe loving Trigon isn't a bad thing. I mean he is my father. And even though he's evil and hell-bent on destroying the universe, he still loves me. Even if that love only stems from me having the power to destroy the world, and not because I'm his daughter.So yes I love my father. But that doesn't mean I don't also hate him. I can experience both emotions at once. After all in order to have hate you must first have love. One cannot exist without the other.

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A/N: For those of you who don't know Electra complex is the female Oedipus theory by Freud. So not sure if I like this. Writing this was very hard and very confusing. I tried to draw on my own feelings for my absentee parent and maybe that was why this didn't turn out right. Too much of my own emotions got mixed up and threw my story off track. Didn't like it? Loved it? Let me know. Reviews would make me very happy, especially since I can't go to any of the Halloween parties I was invited to do to having the flu. Stupid illness. So in order to cheer me up press the little button that says 'Submit review'. Thank you kindly. 


	4. The Only One Who Needs to Know

**The Only One Who Needs to Know**

**A/N: **Well here it is. The highly anticipated fourth chapter of DLS is finally here. _Don't lie to yourself. You know nobody was anticipating this chapter._ Ignore my muse. He is highly upset because I just took his harlots away. Anyway this chapter is about Starfire. I had some trouble with this chapter because Starfire is almost always portrayed as a super-happy, naïve, slightlyspacey character, especially in the fanfic world. Very few authors here give her depth.So in order for me to 'get' her I went and read her history from the comicverse. And I'll be freaked in the ear by a blind spider monkey if I didn't get a story. But before you decide not to read this chapter, know that while the history is from the comic, the Starfire I'm writing about is the one well all know and love. So without further ado, I give you chapter 4.

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form own the Teen Titans, DC comics, and anything else related to them. All I own is Biff and apparently I now own his harlots as well._ What? What's wrong with owning some harlots? They're a good source of income._ Shut up, Biff. Just shut up.

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I did not tell my teammates why Red Star's story touched me so deeply. A story about being someone's experiment, someone's guinea pig. They did not need to know that I too have been in that position. That I too had suffered. They did not need to know that my childhood years had been wrought with pain. Pain caused by the Psions, who used both my sister and myself as test subjects for their despicable experiments. They did not need to know that I had been poked, prodded, just to see what made me tick. They did not need to know that my body had been exposed to deadly levels of the suns radiation, merely so the Psions could record how much my body could digest before the radiation killed me. They did not need to know that the powersI have were not bestowed upon me by X'hal, the goddess of my people. That instead the powers I possess are a direct result of said experiments.They did not need to be told about the invasion of my being, the slow destruction of my soul, the slow deconstruction of my mind. 

What they **do **need to know was that I fought back. That I refused to give in to the darkness that was growing inside me. They do need to know that I did not let the iniquity of my captors form me,mutate me, break me. They do need to know that even after all that I have been through I have found a way to smile again. That I have found joy, beauty, and love in this universe. They do need to know that I took the powersthe Psions gave me and used them to my advantage.They need to know that what I have been through has made me stronger, not just physically but mentally as well. They need to know that even though I suffered, even though I have seen the malevolent side of the sentient beings in the galaxy, I am still here. I am still standing. I am still fighting for the side of good.

As for the rest of the story, it can remain a secret, remain hidden until the time comes that knowing it is necessary. After all when it is all said and done I am the only one who really needs to know anyway.

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A/N: So? What did you think? I really, really want to know what you guys thought about this piece. If you liked it or thought it was the most trite piece of garbage ever. However a word from the wise, if you flame me, please try to be grammatically correct, and have something constructive to say. Thank you very kindly and have a nice day. _Woman, what happened to my harlots! They're missing from my room! Hey, don't you walk away from me! Hey! She walked away from me! Can you believe that?_


	5. Let Me Know When I've Done Wrong

**Let Me Know When I've Done Wrong**

**A/N:** So here is my chapter about the Mighty Boy Wonder. For the longest times I thought of Robin only in the form of 'Batman and Robin'. You know the sidekick role. Then when I heard about the show, I thought he'd be a lot like Batman, a little too stodgy, a little too strict, and a little too extreme. And in some ways he is. But then there are other ways where Robin has managed to separate himself from the Dark Knight. _Enough babbling woman, get to the story!_ All right, all right here it is.

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I _liked_ it; being evil, being the bad guy for once. Being Red X. After a while the hero bit becomes tired, redundant, monotonous. It never really changes: you stop the bad guy, save the world and then go home so you can do it all again tomorrow. But it scares me that I enjoyed being the villain. Scares me more than I care to admit. 

Oh sure I apologized to the team. Told them that I had become Red X simply to get to Slade. Told them that I had to do it, in order to stop the madman threatening our city, our lives. And that was the truth. Most of the truth anyway. The rest of the reason I kept to myself. I just couldn't tell them the other reasons for donning that Red X costume.

Red X was someone I will never be. Red X was a threat to the powers that watch the city he was powerful. He was truly fearless. And why was that? Because for Red X there was no line between good and evil. There was no belief that world is strictly black and white. He lived in the world in between, in the gray area of life. He could do what he pleased when he pleased. He was free. From everything.

There was no team to rely on him for every single idea, every plan, and every attack. There was no challenging every word he said, every move he made. There was no team to watch out for, to responsible for. He didn't have to worry that something he missed or said may have alienated a team member, may have set them careening out of control. He didn't have to worry about trusting someone only to have that someone betray the team. He didn't have to worry about the possibility that someone he cared for may be hurt. He didn't have to stop and worry about everyone agreeing with his plan of action. He didn't have to worry about anyone, but himself.

Red X also didn't have this imposing mentor in his history. He didn't have to worry that maybe he wasn't a good as his mentor. That maybe he would never be as good as said mentor. That he would always be in his mentors shadow. That he would someday disappoint his mentor. That he would someday disgrace his mentors name, his family's name, and his own name. Red X had none of that in his past. He was free from all of these chains, all of these bonds.

That's why I enjoyed being Red X. I enjoyed the freedom. I enjoyed not having to worry, not having to care about anyone or anything else. I just had to worry about me. There was no telling me that I was wrong or that maybe they knew better than me. There was no one to hold me back, hold me down. I was free to do anything I wanted. I know it sounds selfish, and I know that it's wrong but I can't help it.

Sometimes I find myself wondering what it would be like to become Red X again. What would it be like to don the costume again? What it would be like to have my run of the city again. What it would be like to be able to do whatever I wanted. And then I get rabbit-kicked back into reality. I am Robin. I was once Batman's sidekick. I am now the leader of the Teen Titans. I fight for truth, justice and all things good in the world. I am a good guy. I am a **_good_** guy.

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A/N: So there it folks. I chose to go with the Robin liking being Red X theme. I mean come on you all know that you wondered how Robin really felt about being the bad guy. So now a question for you all: Should I make this the last chapter? Or should I continue? I considered doing pieces about the Titans East but not sure how in-depth they would be. Honestly the only characters I would be able to successfully cover would be Bumblebee, Aqualad and possibly Speedy. But let me know what you think okay. The ball is now in your court. 


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